The ballerina - long may he pli'e

Bad dates.

We've all had 'em.

But like I always say (to myself and to friends who may be dreading an evening out with a new gentleman caller) "What's the worst that could happen - you get a good story out it?"  I happened to have a date that might very well be the best example of that, ever.  Yes, I said best ever. Feel free to supply me with a story of your own if you'd like to challenge me for the title.

Whether you've heard this one before - from me or from a friend - you can sleep soundly knowing it's not merely an urban legend.  It really happened.  To me.  Gasp.  Gag.  Giggle. Happy Reading...

The ballerina (I'm not being mean, he was a professional ballet dancer) and I met on match.com - we emailed a couple of times and chatted on the phone, and he seemed normal enough (which seems to be my first date requirement - sound/seem normal) so we decided to meet for a drink.  Easy enough, right?  He picked a Belgian restaurant in my neighborhood and upon seeing me in person, he upgraded the date from drinks to dinner.  Ooh la la.  Over the course of dinner, I did my best to be open, which proved to be tough.  But I tried...

In the awkwardness of the end of dinner, I reached for my wallet and asked if I could contribute to the check. His reply of "if you'd like to you can, or we can agree to do this again and you can treat next time," caught me so off guard that I must have nodded in agreement and shock. Did this guy just ask me for a second date on the condition that I pay? I mean, I'm not a rules girl, but really?? Really?? Oh, and PS, my portion of the bill was about 20 buckeroos. That's it.

Over the following two weeks Monsieur Ballet emailed, texted, and called - a lot - and I decided that really, it wasn't a matter of me being open, it was a matter of me not being into him.  At all.  But I didn't want to be rude and just blow him off, so I thought I'd send him an email on match.   Nice, right?  Yeah, I'm a nice girl.  Let's see what it got me, shall we?

My match.com email to him:

Hey (Name removed),
It was nice meeting you but I didn't feel a connection between us - I wish you the best of luck on your search and hope you have a nice holiday season.

He then texted me the following - as in he didn't reply to the email on match, he picked up his phone and sent a text to me.  Not just one text, but two, because his word count went over the 160 character limit.  Spelling and grammar have not been altered. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent, um, me.

Hi (Red). Thank you for your message and your candor. I concurr with your semtiments. I do insist, however, as agreed that evening you would treat for the next date that you renumerate me for your portion of the bill that evening. Please advise how you would like to handle that. Thank you

Really.

I'm not embellishing a bit or a tad or a drop.

How's that for a tale of woe and woah -- a true douche bag who wanted his money back.

Ah, try being single in the city, it's awesome.

XO

Red