Someday, my prince will come....and peel me like a carrot

I know you're probably asking yourself why I keep posting notes from Friend and not my own war stories - and while that's a fair question, I will say that Friend has a lot of saved emails that make me laugh too loud, so I'm working my way through both hers and mine. And since Valentine's Day is this weekend, I'm kind of putting a lot up to make us all feel better.

Friend received this one a few months back...as always, nothing has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent:

I am looking for a cute nice beautiful fashionable lady my dream princess like yourself to meet and get to know and to communicate with and start a relationship with. This relation could also become serious and maybe to start a family. A pretty modern lady I could present a pleasant sweet smelling rose to.I would like to be your soul partner, be my concious proud lioness.Our hearts could beat as one. I am very interested in you and admire you like peeling a fresh leafy carrot by the kitchen table. I love you very much.I would appreciate your reply greatly.


Ahhh the dream of women everywhere is to be peeled like a carrot at the kitchen table.
Right?
HA!

Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

Friend is sure that this candidate is into bondage.
Friend is not (into bondage).
Although, she can be a little bossy. Then again, so can I.

Here's another gem from match dot com. I present to you, the unsolicited creep:
I want you to be completely honest... I have a serious question for you: I wonder if you can imagine everything it might mean to you, when you're with a guy, and this guy knows you so completely, and is so strong, so capable, so loving, that you absolutely trust him to take care of your happiness for the rest of your life, knowing that your trust is well-founded, and fall so deeply, hopelessly, helplessly in love with him that you just give yourself to him completely, and you know you'll do absolutely anything he asks you to, just to please him. Have you had this yet? Mark